...This is ridiculous... Well... Let's start off rather quickly...
After starting to really think that we are all one, and that is The Universe, and that is God, and that is Me. Therefore, nothing is not me. Fact. Not a lot of people realize this. I've always been alone in thinking this way. Sometimes, I get a joke in my head about something, but there isn't anyone around that would get it, except for me. For quite some time for now, I've been feeling rather lonely, in a way. I can understand ANYONE, but NOONE can truly understand ME. That's pretty sad.
So, the day before yesterday, I saw one girl online... I looked at her profile description with her interests, hobbies, etc. I was stunned. She was THE ONE for me. Immediately after realizing this, I sent her a message. After a few messages, the messages were really long already. We were totally the same, it seemed... We quickly have moved on to using Skype. We've chatted for 7 hours straight. We've decided that we'll meet on Monday. I couldn't wait, so I suggested we meet the next morning. She agreed. I couldn't wait, and still couldn't believe it.
No matter the rainy weather outside, we met, and hung out, having a great time, for 6 hours straight. After that, I still couldn't believe that I've actually met the one for me. She seemed perfect, in everything! I met my girl friend later that day, and we had a smoke of some local weed. We totally smoked it way too much. Anyway... My mind was going really crazy, realizing more and more how dependant I am on the girl I've met. I was realizing more and more how much I could love her. I thought I was dreaming... And there was a freaking TON of coincidences, considering our future relationship and symbolizing the "soul-mate-ness" of the whole thing, so to speak. That was yesterday.
We didn't really say much to each other today, as we've yesterday agreed to take things more slowly than I have on the date. I just couldn't help myself. I was really flabbergasted by the reason that she wasn't acting the same way. Weird. So, anyway, I get home from a long, nice, hang-out with my friends, I get on to Skype, and she's there - she's online... She had the following words written in her signature: "Only you are for me.", and had a nice picture of a really beautifully drawn couple, that said "Together forever". I, of course, got very happy and excited, that we will finally take things a bit further, and I thought that we should confess our feelings towards each other. So, I said: "Confess :P", and she hadn't written anything back. I couldn't help it... I wrote more, and finally I've confessed myself, because I've asked her if she wanted me to go first, and to the silence I replied with my confession to her...
This is, basically, it:
"...Well, I think that you feel about all this the same way as I do. I think this way, at least. :))
You know, sometimes there are moments in life, when you want something to say, but that something shouldn't really be said, because noone would understand you. Well that happens to me rather frequently, and, sometimes, I want to say that thing REALLY bad, but I understand, that only I can understand it. Only myself. And that is so sad! And here you come into my life, a girl, that not only thinks the same way I do, but even has the SAME view of the world, you've totally impressed me! :D... Yeah... And no matter, that "we've know each other for such a short time", - I already can't live without you. I don't know, how would I go on living, knowing, that you exist, and, let's say, not being together with you. You are the embodiment of the part of my brain, that thinks about the fundamental aspects of our reality(and not only that), just like me, but you are embodied in a body of the opposite sex of my mask. To me, you are everything. What a miracle it is, that you finally came into my life!
This fundamental knowledge - is the most important knowledge in my head. Without them - I am nothing. And we will have new stuff coming on new layers of that fundamental knowledge. So this is unconditional, infinite love."
...From the moment I wrote to her for the first time today in the evening in skype, up to that moment, plus the waiting for her answer... One and a half hours had passed. She replied after an hour after that, saying:
"Sorry, but I have one, that I like."
After a really long time of not believing those words and asking her stuff about it, and, eventually chatting with the dude she was talking about... I believe it. But I couldn't. It's absolutely unbelievable. He is absolutely nothing compared to me. Nothing. I do realize about all that PUA stuff, but this is different. This is my actual, living, soul-mate. Incredible. I expect to meet another one. This time, she has got to be perfect 100%, rather than 99.9%, otherwise, I can't trust her. Imagine the pain this would've caused me... I don't even want to think about that part. I stay unaffected. I will grow. I'm a GOD compared to them. Well, they are Me. I was talking about my mask. They have no idea about me... I understood her fully, but she hasn't seen me at my 100%. I'm GODLIKE in my 100%. They are stupid compared to me. That guy fucking drinks and she doesn't use any drugs at all, and is healthy. That's fucking weird. I literally even STILL expect one day a message from her, saying, that it was just a joke, that she had simply tested me. After that I wouldn't agree on anything though. That's not me. That's not something I would do. Nothing's weird here, except for her not saying SHIT about that she has another guy in her life. And what the fuck? I knew for sure, that I never would've gone with another girl, I was certain, that she was the one. Maybe that guy is influential or something. I still have a tendency to believe that he is, after all, made up by her, but what for? Why? Fuck it. It's over. I'll pretend none of this had ever happened before, and will just wait for my REAL soul-mate. If it takes my whole life for that, be it, but 99.99% of all the girls in the world can't even think about having a relationship with me. I believe, though, that there is not just a SINGLE ONE of soul-mates for me. I think there are several. I should just choose. I probably should just relax, and forget about it, and just wait and see what happens, and next time I meet a girl like that, I'm not going to act the same way, just to be safe, if she doesn't do that first, though. Although, my REAL soul-mate would have acted the same way as I did, no matter how. Jesus. As I said, this is ridiculous.
